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Ahhh My Pointless Crap :)

Monday, 09 May 2011

Grey Days Will Return

Hello lovelies.
I've had a great time for the last three days, and the fact that I have to go back to Malacca this afternoon, by bus, makes me wanna fake a death certificate and send it to the principal of my current school. My daily routine's about to begin again. Yes I'm used to all those things, but I think I need a longer break hehe. It's been clearly stated that too much work makes Jack a dull boy. And yes of course, too much work will make me a dull girl. I bore people more and more each day. My days are like, black and white everyday, colourless. It's the same thing every single day.

So I visited Marsya's blog this morning and clicked previous, previous and previous till this one post captured my attention. It was sort of a goodbye entry for Hani. Like a synopsised story of their friendship. Obviously, it has nothing to do with me, but somehow it makes me want to cry, reminiscing all the years I've been through at my previous school. AH SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE ME STOP MOANING ABOUT THE SAME THING ALL OVER AGAIN. I just miss everything, enough said. I'll be okay in a day or two I guess.

I really don't have much to say, to be honest. Words are just not enough.

Friday, 06 May 2011

A Little Piece of Everything

I thought I'll never give out my thoughts here again, but hello for the thousandth time : ) Yes, I'm sorta back from Tun Ghaffar Baba MJSC. But no, not for good hihi.

It's sad to see people move on without you, making memories they would never ever, ever be able to eliminate from their minds. Yes, it is excruciating. It's like there's this invisible knife stabbing me in the heart and that knife, it stays there, with no one to pull it back out. Because if someone does, there'll be like a vacant hole in my heart. Incomplete. Yeah, like that. It's sad to know that everything have changed when you're not around, and all those things, they never happened when you are here. It's sad to miss all the fun. It's just simply sad. But no, that doesn't mean I regret leaving everything behind for the sake of my future. Sacrificing, that's what people said. I never knew sacrificing could hurt me this much.

But leaving for a new school meant that I could start over. And yeah, I did. It's a good thing I left because it changed me quite a lot. I've learned to be a little bit more optimistic, I guess, independent, obviously, and somehow grateful too. I'm grateful for all the moments I've had even though they're not much compared to what I'll get if I didn't leave. I'm grateful for the times when there's just us and nobody else, and we'd care about each other and not worry about who might get hurt. I'm grateful for all the chances I was given to enjoy life, all the things I was given. The chances that not everyone could get. I'm grateful for the days we'll remember the most. I'm grateful for too many things, way too many things. Why? Because it's hard for me have back all that. Haih. Don't ask me about my life right now, what time I wake up, what's the food like bla bla bla. Obviously, it's worse than my previous life. Ceh, 'previous'. I think I could cope with all the chaotic daily life I have but being a normal lucid human, I need a break from all the hecticness. I keep on moaning about needing a break, at first. But I guess if I continue doing that, I'll just make things worse, right? I'll get labelled as a moaner or something and certainly, that's not even close to what I want. I'll try my best to survive, to keep alive, but I can't promise I won't experience break downs and all. I've been quite a maudlin since I'm away from home, and that .. that just sucks.

I don't really know the real objective of this entry. I'm just tired of keeping it all inside.

Thursday, 13 January 2011

Yeah Again

Hi. I don't think I'll be posting new entries ~~for ever~~ ~~for the next few decades~~ for, oh I don't know for how long. But I just won't write and update about what's going on, how shitty I feel and some other random senseless stuffs. The real reason is still ambiguous. I'm not even sure of it myself.
I'm never sure of anything, lately. Thanks for wasting your time reading those bullshit I wrote, guys ♥
XOXOXO.

Monday, 03 January 2011

Unready

2011: another 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8760 hours, 525600 minutes and 3153600 seconds of struggle, growth, progress and experience.
Hi. You might not notice this, but this year, I didn't post any entry about my New Year's resolution - so called resolutions - and how exuberant I am about going to school and becoming a different and better person than I was last year. Yeah, you didn't notice that, did you? I wasn't overwhelmed with enthusiasm about 2011. NOT AT ALL. It's like I don't wanna leave 2010. Like, no way that's ever gonna happen. But hey, what can I do? We can't pause time and be selfish jerks. We'll just have to adapt to changes that'll occur. Hm. I wanted to stay in 2010 so much I just slept throughout New Year's Eve. And yes, resolved nothing. Anyway, I had a super mega ultra great aweshome year even though some incidents made 2010 sounds kinda shitty.
Okay. I promise I won't brag or complain about leaving last year. Oh well, sort of. Hehe.

Oh. This is so 2010 :|
So how was my first day at school? To be honest, today didn't feel like the first day of school. It felt more like, another Monday after a normal boring weekend instead of a looooooong tedious holiday. I got accepted into the Al Biruni class, which is the pure science class. I can't believe this, but I sat next to Lina Molaaay in class. Just like last year. Believe me, I can't even believe myself. Haha. I got an almost perfect seat, in the center of the class, under a swift spinning 100% functioning fan, next to crazy bitches that won't stop spilling crazy gossips. Lol. I think I could survive this class without killing anyone because everyone is just so simply awesome. But I wish they would shut up at certain times though hahaha xD
Okay. I know I wrote "I resolved nothing" somewhere in this post, but nah, not really. I kinda made one. Well, KIND OF. I resolved to be more mature, more independent, more dependable, more responsible, more .. well, more .. more of what adults should be. And less hyper, less childish, less loud, less annoying, etc. I know, I know. Who would wanna be adult-ish at sixteen? Well, fifteen years and four months old, to be exact. Somehow, I just had this feeling of growing up. Like, actually growing up. I'm not a kid anymore and I know that. And I know, I shouldn't be acting like one in school today. But who cares anyway? I'll try to be different tomorrow. I"LL TRY.

Friday, 24 December 2010

Tried to Pause Time

I like the way you make me feel like I'm worth it
Hi. Been missing me? I doubt. Well, I haven't been writing new entries because it's either:
A) there's nothing much to write about, or
B) there's too much things going on till I don't even have time to write about them :D

So the big wait's over now. And Praise to Allah, my result didn't let anyone down, especially me. It was worth it. My three years - well actually two weeks haha - of studying my ass out finally gave me something I wanted. Hehe. Thanks, dear teachers, for teaching me and keeping up with me when I don't understand something and you had to repeat the same thing for like 456789 times. Hehe. And dear classmates and friends, for helping me out with my homework - reminding me of those homework hehe - and folios and stuffs I can't seem to fathom, and yeah, sort of tutoring me. Hehe.
Okay. So what are my plans now? Hm. I often get confused when people ask me that question. Confused of what I'm supposed to answer. Because the truth is, I don't think I even have a plan. Oh yeah, go ahead, scold me for not thinking about my future and stuffs. But that's the plain truth. If either one of my application to be a student in SBP or MRSM is accepted, then I'll be going to boarding schools. If it isn't, then I'll try my best to make my current cute and looooooooving principal proud. Hehe. Yeah, my future's pretty boring huh? And of course, I'll be taking the pure science class. It's like the only class that won't make me learn something I don't think I could cram into my head. Okay, omit Physics. I guess I could cope with that subject if I pay enough attention in class. And maybe, just maybe, go for tuitions. Well, tuitions and extra classes don't please me, and yes, I really really reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally don't wanna have to go for tuitions. Don't ask me why. I'll give you answers you can't actually take. Heeeee.
Anyway. 2011 will be here in like what, seven days? Ya Allah. Time passes by so fast. So fast I didn't even have time to cherish and treasure those incredibly awesome moments that occured throughout 2010. I feel like I've been wasting time doing nothing rather than making more memories. Yeah. That's it. Soon, I'll be in the tenth grade. We all are moving a step forward, and that actually scares me. It scares me because things will be different. A lot of things will be. It might even be everything. We'll be seperating with some of our friends. Some will go to boarding schools, some will transfer to another school because their current school is just not good enough, and some, well, some will just find other people to be friends with. Just like when we're in our seventh grade, except for the fact that this one will be worse. We might not even say Hi to each other on Facebook anymore, or remember our friends' full names, or even recall that they used to be a part of our life. Just then we'll know who our real friends are.
We'll be growing apart, we'll change, we'll meet new people. And those are the things that scare me.